Whether you are a first-time parent or a seasoned parent, you never get it easy as a parent. It will take some time to become accustomed to everything and to know the signs that you are not bonding with your baby.
All parents share an instant and deep connection with their children. The movies portray that; perhaps you have heard the same from family and friends. Nevertheless, this is not the case for everyone. A lot of people will struggle to find signs that their baby is not bonding with them.
What is bonding?
Bonding is the emotional connection between you and your baby. It’s when you feel an instant strong love, a connection, and protection for your baby. It’s when you feel great joy just looking at your baby and the desire to protect and provide everything for the baby.
It’s normal to feel sad and worried when you feel that you have no connection with your baby. If you’re struggling to bond with your baby, it can make you feel isolated and alone.
But bonding with your baby is not only for moms but dads as well, other family members can also bond with the baby if they are also the baby’s caregivers.
What are the signs that you are not bonding with your baby?
You Feel Disconnected from the Baby
When you don’t bond with your baby, you may feel that there’s something wrong with you as a parent. You may not be able to understand why you do not feel close to the child or why you cannot enjoy her company. You may feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for someone so small and vulnerable.
1. You are Unhappy During Labor and Birth
Labor is hard work and it is normal for women to feel exhausted or even depressed after labor has ended. However, if you still do not feel happy, months after giving birth, then this could indicate that there is a problem with how well you bonded with your child and it could also be a sign of a more serious condition called Postpartum depression. It may be necessary to contact your healthcare provider for an evaluation.
2. Lack of Confidence in Your Parenting Skills
Many first-time mothers worry that they won’t know how to take care of their babies properly or that they won’t be able to meet all of their needs. These worries can make it difficult to bond with your child because it is difficult to relax when you are constantly worried about doing things right or not knowing what will happen next. It’s also difficult to bond with a child who isn’t meeting your expectations or who doesn’t seem happy — this can lead to feelings of anger, frustration, or disappointment which further distance you from the baby.
3. You Resent or Avoid Talking About The Baby
If you don’t want to talk about your new baby, this could be one of the signs that you are not bonding with your baby. You may feel like you have nothing in common with the baby, or that they are just another responsibility on top of everything else in your life. If this is true for you, consider taking time for yourself and doing something that makes you happy (or at least something that doesn’t involve your kids).
4. You Would Rather be Doing Something Else When You’re with Your Baby
When you finally get the chance to spend some time with your infant, you wish it was over already. You don’t enjoy this time as much as other moms do. This is a sign that you are actually not bonding with your child.
5. You Don’t Look forward to Seeing Your Baby
If you dread holding your baby or feel a sense of relief when they fall asleep so that you can put them down, this is a sign that you are not bonding with them. If you feel like this toward your child all the time, it’s possible that there could be a deeper problem going on.
6. You Feel Like an Outsider in Your Own Family
Bonding with your child is one of the most important things in life, but if you’re not feeling this way toward them, then something is wrong. You should never feel like an outsider in your own family. If this happens more than once or twice, then it’s time to get some help from a therapist or doctor who specializes in helping parents bond with their children.
7. You Feel Like You’re Missing Out on Something Else in Life
If you’re feeling sad or angry about the fact that you have a baby and other people don’t, or if you feel like your life has been taken over by this child, then there is an issue that needs to be addressed. It’s okay for new parents to miss out on certain things in their lives temporarily, but if it continues over time then there may be deeper issues at play.
8. The Baby’s Cries Upset You or You feel Annoyance
Your baby’s cries are a source of stress for you. You feel like she is taking over your life and you don’t have time for yourself anymore. You can’t wait until they grow up, no matter how cute they are now.
Your baby’s cries make you feel annoyed, frustrated, or angry. You’re bothered by the fact that they’re awake when you want them to sleep, or that they won’t stop crying even though you’ve tried everything.
You find yourself wishing your baby would just shut up so that you could get some peace and quiet. Or maybe you wish they’d go back to sleep so that you could get some rest!
9. You are Not Motivated to Parent
You may not feel any connection to this child and don’t want to take care of them. This is a sign that something is wrong. You need to speak with someone about what’s going on and how you can change it.
Get Checked For Postpartum Depression
The Above signs could be a sign of postpartum Depression. An individual experiencing postpartum depression is different from one experiencing the baby blues. Bonding is hindered by its intensity. There are also other serious problems that can be caused by it. In contrast to the baby blues, depression cannot be cured by itself. Severe cases should be treated.
Even though parents are advised to bond with their babies, it does not always happen easily and naturally. Bonding is a learned skill that takes place when both parent and baby work together and interact emotionally. If your baby is experiencing trouble bonding with you, it is important to seek help from an experienced child psychologist who can offer professional advice on how you can overcome these problems.