Many parents and caregivers find it difficult to engage or converse with teenagers. In most cases, parents notice that their children change as they become teenagers. The relationship becomes distant, and the teen becomes defensive and feels interrogated when speaking with his or her parents. How do you talk to your teenage daughter?
Parents hoping to improve communication with teens should know they can make them feel comfortable talking to them and trusting them with information again.
7 Tips to talking to your Teenage Daughter
1. Avoid the word Why
Do not begin your question with “why,” as this will automatically trigger defensive reactions as your teenager may feel interrogated.
2. Point Out their Strengths
The importance of reminding teenagers of their strengths cannot be overstated. Your teen needs you to remind them of their strengths. Being told about their strengths or what they are good at can boost their self-esteem and confidence.
3. Use a Reflection of Feelings
This is a great way to start a conversation with your teenagers, especially if you notice that they are in a certain mood. You can gently share your observations with them, and if you are wrong, they will correct you or give you a one-word reply. Having this discussion gives your teen the chance to open up and talk with you if they wish, and they feel safe doing so since they don\’t feel interrogated.
4. Wait your turn to talk
Give your teen your full attention and maintain eye contact while letting them talk. It’s important that your teen knows they have your attention, that what they have to say is important, and that you are willing to listen until they’re done and you can demonstrate this by not interrupting them.
If your turn to speak comes, be aware of your tone. If you must ask for clarification about something they said, don’t start your question with why. Instead, ask what they meant about something or offer your interpretation and ask if you’re right.
Maintain interest and curiosity throughout your conversation with your teen, doing so will make them feel special and worth your time.
5. Hold that Advice
Don’t give your teenager advice unless they ask for it. Show them that you are a good listener rather than someone who is quick to offer advice.
If they ask you for advice, find out if they have tried to solve the problem and ask them what they think they should try next. Ask them what they think of your advice, and if there is anything they want to change.
Here, my point is to involve them every step of the way, so they can feel that you value their opinion and believe they can solve problems.
As soon as your teenager realizes they can come to you for advice, he or she will also realize you two can formulate that advice together.
This is an essential part of helping your teenager feel heard. You should validate your teenager\’s feelings, even when you know they are overreacting. Let them know you understand why they are feeling that way.
Remember never to minimize their feelings, or worse yet, tell them what they should feel instead.
7. Thank your Teen
You can open the door for your teen to talk to you again once they understand how much you value them talking to you and that you are always available and you are never too busy for them to talk to you
7 Tips to Parent Teenagers
The tips below will also be helpful to you as you work on how to talk to your teenage daughter;
1. You Are the Parent
In this stage of life, your child is flexing their abilities and recognizing their own accomplishments. They start to think that they even know more than you do as a parent, but the truth is you are the parent so you need to lead the way for your child.
2. Have Clear Rules about Phone, Internet and social media
Parents need to talk to their teenagers about this and most don’t. It’s good to talk to your team about the potential dangers of people using phones and the things that are happening on social media. This includes the overwhelming access to information online
Set very clear boundaries of when the phone can be used. At bedtime, have them place their phone on your nightstand, so you can monitor them and see everything they do online. If needed, you can access their accounts as well, so you know what they\’re doing online is safe.
3. Leading the way
Whenever we embark on a project, whether at home or at work, we plan ahead and think about what supplies will be needed and who will be involved. Parenting teens should be approached in the same way.
How do we want our kids to gain knowledge and experience from living at home? How do we hope they will excel in sports or other interest areas of their lives and what strategies can we use to help them achieve these goals?
4. Teenagers: Listen to them
- In this stage of their development, it is really important they begin to understand who they are, separate from their family, and start to put themselves forward as their own person, which is really important.
- The importance of showing them you value their efforts to become independent and mature cannot be overstated. Our teenagers need to be listened to, and if we don’t talk to them about their fears and concerns, we will never be able to understand them.
- As a parent, you might be missing that opportunity to help them grow and encourage them to expand their independence within certain boundaries.
- Taking time out of your busy week for 1 on 1 engagement with your teen is a great way to really listen to your teen.
Engaging in meaningful conversations with your teenager can help you learn more about them and how to grow a relationship with them
5. Be Clear About your Expectations
You as a parent must clearly define the house rules and the responsibilities of your children. If there are specific days and times when you expect a chore to be completed or if you have blocked off time for homework, you expect it to be completed. Make sure you clearly state your expectations.
This can include how much television they can watch and how much screen time they’re allowed.
In addition, you should think about what you expect of your teen and how you want them to fit into your family. Make sure that you are making it very clear what your expectations of them are.
6. Have a Defined Discipline Method
The benefits of discipline are numerous. Teenagers should understand now that life is not governed by their rules. They must follow the rules set by their parents.
It will allow teens to develop a respect for authority and become law-abiding citizens. Teachers and their bosses will eventually also demonstrate how the world works:
Teenagers must learn through consequences that their actions have consequences so that they are able to grow as individuals.
As a parent, strategize about what consequences certain expectations will have. Have a different punishment for your teen depending on what rule he breaks.
Consider what disciplinary actions will look like in advance. Have a conversation about the expectations and consequences, so your teen is aware of the consequences of not following your rules.
Let your teenager express himself or herself within safe limits. As parents and caregivers, we need to remember that teenagers are still trying to discover who they are as individuals, so we should allow them to express themselves.
Your teen may want to do their hair in a certain way, or they may want to express themselves in the way that they dress. Therefore, let them do those things.
In the end, what we\’re trying to do here is to encourage your teenager to develop their own identity and independence.
Show interest in their ideas and interests. This will allow them to come to you with questions since they’ll feel supported by you.
Your teenager will feel freer to express themselves if you adjust your boundary line a tad. As a result, you’ll gain their trust, and they’ll know that you’re open to their ideas and that you want them to express themselves freely.
How to talk to your teenage daughter; Even in the best of circumstances, raising a teenager can be challenging.
A young person going through adolescence needs what they’ve always needed from their parents. They require your love, your support, your encouragement, your nurturing, your acceptance, and your attention. They want you to notice them.
As we develop close, cooperative relationships with our teens, we build their self-esteem, resilience, and confidence. By doing so, we show that we care and that they matter.