10 Ways to Fix An Unhappy Marriage After Baby

How to improve unhappy marriage after baby

Does life change after baby arrives? Yes, it does. You have a tiny baby who is 100% dependent on you to survive. If the stress becomes too overwhelming in the home, it could lead to the couple having an Unhappy marriage after baby

The birth of a baby causes a great deal of stress for most couples and, research shows that, if not properly managed, can lead to unhappy marriage after baby.

Couples spend a lot of time preparing for their babies’ birth, and they make lists of the things they need and expect that having a baby will be a happy and blissful experience.

Couples Discussing Stress brought on by Baby

It is uncommon for couples to discuss the impact that having a baby will have on their relationship; such as less time spent together, and sleepless nights that can exhaust parents, or talk about what parenting style they plan to use with their child, so they can be on the same page.

Due to the emotional strain of having a baby, parents may end up feeling resentful of one another, ultimately resulting in an unhappy marriage.

Before I had my baby, I remember listening to parents talk about their child not sleeping at night.

I never really understood what that meant until I had my son who was up every 45 minutes at night and naps were only 30 minutes at the most.

Other’s Experience

When I had my son, the first 10 months were tough. My husband and I both slept so little that we were both exhausted.

I was so exhausted and desperate to find out why my son’s sleep hygiene was so poor.

Every time I took my son to the doctor for his well-check, his doctor would talk about how well he was developing, and when I asked about his poor sleep, the doctor would reply, “it will get better as he grows up”.

Having a baby was the most amazing thing, but the sleep deprivation and the exhaustion that came with it made me feel very unhappy.

One thing we did was to lower our expectations of one another, recognizing that we were both tired all the time.

During this conversation with my husband, we discussed who would be responsible for household chores during the week, including who will wake up with the baby at night.

But most importantly, we spoke about our new normal and decided to be supportive of each other. 

I can tell you that this conversation saved my husband and me from having an unhappy marriage after having a baby.-Olivia

Life after having a baby can become stressful for most parents.

Here are some ways to improve the despair in post-baby conditions and some ways that may improve your unhappy marriage after baby:

1.   How To Reconnect with Husband After Having a Baby

 Although, having a baby looks fascinating on screens. Yet, it can become a real strain on relationships. The continuous sudden changes in a relationship can result in relationship problems.

It is often seen that mothers stay home and spend much more time with their newborns. On the contrary, fathers have to earn bread and butter. This in turn creates huge gaps between both married couples.

Being a wife, you may start to feel guilty that you are not being a good wife or partner and may put the pressure of trying to rejuvenate your marriage on yourself.

Well, this would be a good gesture, but it would soon become exhausting especially when it starts to feel like a chore because remember that you now have your main job of being a mother 24/7.

Which is a VERY fulfilling job, but can be demanding at the same time.

It may be a great idea to talk openly about how you are feeling, even bringing up the fact that you feel you are neglecting your husband.

Honest and open communication about this would help lessen the pressure of YOU thinking of ways to rejuvenate your marriage.

You and your husband should be in a partnership, meaning, thinking of ways to reconnect should be talked about together.

Communicating openly with your husband would be a great first step. Moreover, it would help in resolving an unhappy marriage after baby.

2.   Does having a Baby Improve Your Marriage?

Unhappy Marriage After Baby
Unhappy Marriage After Baby

Most people get married with a plan of having a family someday, which is supposed to be a happy thing.

However, it is unrealistic to expect that your unhappy marriage before you had your baby will improve after you have a baby.

Having a baby brings about a set of challenges that may put a strain on a relationship, so if your relationship is already not in a good place, then having a baby may make things worse.

Becoming a parent is a beautiful journey, it changes you in ways you didn’t expect and shows you the meaning of unconditional love.

Yet, sometimes parents cannot interpret the situation accurately.

Parents should have to accept that life does change after having a baby.

3.   Why Do Husbands Change After Having a Baby?

Unhappy marriage after baby may sometimes happen from what may feel like the husband has changed. As a wife, you may start noticing that the way he thinks of you or treats you has changed.

This may be a result of you not paying attention to his needs, of which you have a VERY valid reason, you now have a needy bundle of joy that you are caring for 24/7.

Yes, the husband should also be empathetic, but it is also fair to say that it’s not only the husband who changes, you, the wife, change as well.

You may both be feeling the change and instead of trying to play mind games of guessing what the other might be thinking, talk about it, talk about ways you can make your new normal enjoyable for both parties

 4.   Feeling Disconnected from Husband After Having a Baby:

Unhappy Marriage After Baby
Unhappy Marriage After Baby

Women go through a lot of hormone imbalances after having a baby, which may lead them to feel lonely and disconnected from their husbands.

It is important to talk openly about the way you are feeling, and it is also important to note that it is normal for mothers to experience a brief episode of baby blues after their baby is born.

Mothers may feel stressed, sad, anxious, lonely, and moody at this time.

Feeling this way is usually temporary and can be soothed easily by supportive parents, devoted partners, and friends who understand.

Childbirth can also cause more serious mood disorders for some women, leading to postpartum depression. It is very important for both partners to be aware of this and to seek help from your doctor.

5.   Relationship With Husband After Baby:

Being a mom is such a busy job that it is so easy to forget about taking care of yourself and let alone your spouse, when you become a mom, you become 100% focused on the baby.

You may be aware of the fact that you are not giving as much attention to your husband as you used to before the baby.

You may come to a conclusion that your husband knows and understands why you are not paying attention to him.

On the other side, your husband may have noticed that you are not giving him as much attention but he may not say anything for fear of hurting your feelings, so in turn, he may start to resent you.

Again, I will say communication would be a great first approach to dealing with this situation.

Maybe you can start talking about ways you can go back to doing some things you enjoyed doing together before the baby, like date nights, going for walks, hikes, etc.

It is also important to remember that the responsibility of saving an unhappy marriage after the baby should not just fall on one partner.

6.   Relationship Strain After Having a Baby:

It goes without a question that having a baby puts a strain on a relationship;

Overtired parents, no time to spend with each other, you can’t do the things you used to do when it was just the two of you.

Feelings of frustrations and or resentment that the other partner is not being supportive enough.

When a couple is willing to understand and accept that things will never be the way they used to be when it was just the two of them.

Accepting the challenges that having a baby is presenting, then they can start working on finding ways to deal with the challenges together and be supportive of one another.

I used to tell myself “This too shall pass”

7.   Falling Out of Love After Baby:

Sometimes things just don’t resolve, and all the effort put in by the couple to try and save an unhappy marriage after baby may have failed.

It may also be tough for some couples to accept that their life has changed, which, may result in couples being resentful of one another.

This may lead to them drifting apart and falling out of love.

Couples may forget that they still need each other, that they are in a partnership; meaning challenges and problems should be dealt with together and not separately.

Therapy may be an option to try and save an unhappy marriage after baby.

 8.   Sexless Life after Baby:

This is one topic that needs open and honest communication. Both partners should be open about their feelings about sex after baby.

Life changes drastically for women after having a baby, for most women their lives now revolve around making sure baby is well and happy, and everything else comes second.

Most women even forget to take of themselves, it’s like when you have a child your needs don’t matter as long as baby is happy.

As a woman you should be honest with your partner about how you are feeling about sex, how soon after having baby is comfortable for you to have sex is also another subject couples should discuss.

The husband should be willing to understand if the wife is not comfortable having sex just yet.

Couples can resolve this issue by talking about it openly and by starting to plan on doing things like going on dates and doing other activities that are enjoyable for both partners.

Couples should talk openly about their sex life or maybe even start planning on doing things like going on dates and doing other activities that are enjoyable for both partners, doing so would help bring back their marital satisfaction.

The hectic job of being a parent lets you forget about your needs. Husbands may complain to their wives for not being interested anymore. Surely, you are in love, you just do not want intimacy.

9.   How Do I Fix My Relationship After Having a Baby?

 According to research by the Gottman Institute, almost 40-70% of couples have post-baby distress. They face agony and stress for a few months after having a baby.

Communication is key to every successful and healthy relationship.  

Your relationship after your baby is born can become more cheering and prosperous if both parents recognize and talk about the changes that having a baby has brought and find a way to handle things together.

So instead of being caught up in conflicts over every little problem, find a solution together. Staying united through every thick and thin can turn an unhappy marriage after baby into a happy one. 

10.   Couple’s Therapy:

Sometimes couples may indeed have great communication, but they may continue to drift apart, making it difficult for them to remain calm and happy.

 In this case, you may need outside help. Therapy may be an option.

Therapy may help normalize the changes both wife and husband are feeling.

It may also be a great place to start accepting that your life after baby has changed forever and start moving towards adapting to your new normal without being resentful of each other.

Most people stir away from receiving therapy because of the stigma society may have on it, but if it is a way for you to help your unhappy marriage after baby, then forget what people think and do it for YOU!

Final Thought

Unhappy marriage after baby is a real thing, couples must be considerate and empathic. Try to take time for each other and make things attractive and interesting for each other. 

I have often wondered if it would make any difference if couples prepared themselves emotionally for life after baby by looking into the challenges first-time parents face.

I have wondered whether it would be helpful for couples to ask themselves the question,

“Do relationships suffer after babies” and talk openly about what if’s so that if it does happen, at least you have discussed it and can avoid having an unhappy marriage after baby.

What are your thoughts?

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